im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
