After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
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make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
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