now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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