Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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