i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
