Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I feel like a drive thru vagina
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
