overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
