It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
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he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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