I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Blood and glitter go together right?
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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