My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize
