I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
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