Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
there is puke in my bra ... again
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
