We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
