About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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