are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Randomize
