Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Randomize
