Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I would fuck him just for his dog
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
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