He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
