Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
