You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
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