This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Randomize
