Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
