I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
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