he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Randomize
