I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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