Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Randomize
