people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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