Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
