I faked an abortion last night.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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