dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Randomize
