but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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