I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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