Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Randomize
