I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
