I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Send help, water and tortillas.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Randomize
