i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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