just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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