just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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