Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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