a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
