Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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