last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
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She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
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SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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