is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying