just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
23 People Noticed Deal Breakers in Their Partner A Little Too Late
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Your cock deserves a montage
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
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