Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(908): View more from New Jersey

i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"

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(949): View more from California

Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that

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(502): View more from Kentucky

You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.

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(940): View more from Texas

I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....

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Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Read it at the TFLN blog
(518): View more from New York

I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.

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(859): View more from Kentucky

I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue

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(973): View more from New Jersey

I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.

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(630): View more from Illinois

There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"

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(269): View more from Michigan

Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?

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