I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
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Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
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I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
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