i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
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Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
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BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste