Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
