Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
where does the pee come out of this thing
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
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Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
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I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic