I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler