she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Alive.
So much puke
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
