you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
