Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
