Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
