He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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