No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
