i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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