Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
