We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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