This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
