Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
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