i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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