god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
we're chasing vodka with high fives
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
