She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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