Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Randomize