How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
