she was so not down for the gang bang
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
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Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
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Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
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