I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
