fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Randomize
