Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Randomize
