He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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