Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
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