you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.