Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila