Texts From Last Night

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  (815): View more from Illinois

  I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low

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  (815): I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low http://tfl.nu/wg0q
  Replies (24) Good night (866) Bad night (4315)
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  (812): View more from Indiana

  If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.

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  (812): If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message. http://tfl.nu/nzcw
  Replies (31) Good night (5585) Bad night (976)
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  (770): View more from Georgia

  The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.

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  (770): The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end. http://tfl.nu/4vu6
  Replies (24) Good night (724) Bad night (3788)
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  (574): View more from Indiana

  there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.

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  (574): there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk. http://tfl.nu/a189
  Replies (8) Good night (4433) Bad night (872)
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  (201): View more from New Jersey

  Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.

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  (201): Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable. http://tfl.nu/oy8s
  Replies (27) Good night (5455) Bad night (952)
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  (954): View more from Florida

  Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.

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  (954): Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America. http://tfl.nu/l7qb
  Replies (11) Good night (3481) Bad night (1132)
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  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment

  (757): View more from Virginia

  Personally I think it's a tremendous investment

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  (215): I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment (757): Personally I think it's a tremendous investment http://tfl.nu/ikjn
  Replies (8) Good night (2871) Bad night (832)
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  (410): View more from Maryland

  Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"

  (1-410): View more from Maryland

  How come I never meet celebrities?

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  (410): Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield" (1-410): How come I never meet celebrities? http://tfl.nu/j09q
  Replies (7) Good night (3558) Bad night (893)
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  (734): View more from Michigan

  I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.

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  (734): I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys. http://tfl.nu/1rd4
  Replies (14) Good night (4498) Bad night (1079)
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  (919): View more from North Carolina

  Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.

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  (919): Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok. http://tfl.nu/xw7f
  Replies (7) Good night (2836) Bad night (641)
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  (847): View more from Illinois

  Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back

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  (847): Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back http://tfl.nu/ffo4
  Replies (6) Good night (1302) Bad night (1064)
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  (252): View more from North Carolina

  I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars

  (1-252): View more from North Carolina

  I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers

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  (252): I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars (1-252): I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers http://tfl.nu/w67j
  Replies (6) Good night (2117) Bad night (752)
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  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.

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  (814): You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done. http://tfl.nu/ojtz
  Replies (31) Good night (3020) Bad night (884)
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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?

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  (412): Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf? http://tfl.nu/41qm
  Replies (15) Good night (978) Bad night (688)
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  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to

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  (978): They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to http://tfl.nu/mjdy
  Replies (6) Good night (529) Bad night (669)

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