Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
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I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
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She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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