tell your sister to shave her snatch
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week