ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize