Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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