I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Randomize
